I don’t know if this is happening to any of you right now, but I feel like I blinked and it’s suddenly the holiday season. I’m not sure if it’s that time speeds up with each kid or if it’s that it’s still 80+ degrees outside, but either way–I am not ready.
At a first glance, holidays sound like a lot of fun. I always get excited about them until I remember I’m not the kid anymore. I’m the provider of the fun now. While watching my kids get excited and spending time with friends and family is so much fun, the mental load is not.
I’m not just talking about the to-do list (although that will likely be another post). I’m referring to the mental load of discipling my kids through the holiday season.
Initially, I thought refocusing my efforts towards Christianity (rather than festivity or magical days) would make the holidays super simple. It meant I could skip any of the traditions that don’t have any religious significance without feeling bad about it. It meant gifts could be secondary and Thanksgiving and Halloween were pretty optional (in my opinion).
Then my daughter got just a little older and has started picking up on everything most people are doing for holidays.
Ok, ok that’s actually a cop out.
**My daughter got just a little older, and I started wanting to be a normal family.
To be clear–there are plenty of Christians that celebrate Halloween and put Christmas trees in their houses for Christmas. There’s nothing in my religion that specifically says not to. I grew up Catholic and although I don’t remember trick-or-treating at home, I definitely remember dressing up and going to Halloween carnivals.
This was before TikTok and Instagram ruined everything.
I don’t know if my parents labored over the origins of every tradition like my husband and I do. I think they just did what was safe and fun and praised God through it.
My husband doesn’t operate that way.
He loves to research and learn the origins of things, and–because he is a new(ish) believer–he doesn’t care about tradition. In learning the pagan origins of trick-or-treating and Christmas trees, he was quickly convinced we shouldn’t participate in either of those traditions. He has a valid argument, but it doesn’t feel that simple to me. Maybe it doesn’t to you either.
I feel consistently torn between enjoying life and making positive memories as a family, and being careful of what spiritual activity I allow in my kids’ lives and our home.
If you’re reading this far, you might be in the same camp as me–noticing how crazy and paranoid we sound talking about these things but simultaneously feeling conflicted because we’ve witnessed the effects of “letting too much in”.
Perhaps a less “out there” example of this for every Christian is deciding where to send your kids to school. Do you send them to a Christian school and risk insulating them from the rest of the world and thus any opportunity to be a light to non-believers? Or, conversely, do you send them to a public school and risk them becoming wayward/losing their faith and feeling like an outsider amongst people that live a different lifestyle? Or do you homeschool–an option that is growing in popularity but seems to remain widely misunderstood.
One thing is clear–Christians cannot win. Moms cannot win. So Christian moms absolutely cannot win.
This doesn’t mean we are victims or at a cultural disadvantage because of our faith. We can still acknowledge the privileges we have while holding space for what feels like the impossibility of getting it right. It also doesn’t mean we are morally superior because we make choices based on our faith.
What it really means is that we have to get used to being different. We have to remember we are not here to please people. Rather, we are pursuing Christ and sincerely attempting to make disciples of our kids…while messing up daily.
“For am I now trying to persuade people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10
With this in mind, I think how you celebrate or don’t celebrate any holiday is less about what rules you are following and more about conviction.
I don’t hold a ton of illusions about how well it would be received if I were to go on social media and explain why I’ve decided my family won’t be participating in Halloween…or even why I’ve decided that we will be participating. At best, there would be crickets. At worst, there would probably be lots of comments calling me a religious nut or a hypocrite.
A recent example of this is when Forrest Frank announced he decided not to accept any awards for his music at the Dove Award Ceremony this year. His reason was that he already has his award of salvation, and that it just didn’t feel right to him to accept an award for something that was made for God and through God. Some artists applauded him, but many were quick to call out what they viewed as hypocrisy.
He responded by graciously explaining that, yes, he does earn money from the music he creates, but what he does with that money is between him and God.
I love that response!
I love that he didn’t quickly cower and apologize for offending people or write some kind of apology to his fans out of fear of losing them. Instead, he treated the artists like they were genuinely asking him a question (ignoring the tone of their commentary) and answered it to further highlight his point.
The point is we all get to decide for ourselves where the line is, and we all get to have our own relationship with Jesus. The Holy Spirit may convince me that trick-or-treating is a chance to embrace our community, it may convince others that it’s a chance to introduce people to Jesus, and it may convince you that it’s better not to participate at all. I am certain there is a case to be made for all sides.
When I’m not tired or stuck in my own desires, the marriage therapist in me actually loves that my husband and I disagree on these things. Why? Because it forces both of us to dig deeper to understand and respect each other. From a spiritual standpoint, I also think we end up sharpening each other’s senses.
“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another”.
Proverbs 27:17
It is OK and sometimes even fruitful to disagree with other Christians on how we should behave.
Although all Christians are united by our belief in Jesus as the one true Savior, we have all been arguing on how to live out the message since Jesus walked the earth (and that’s only going to get more hairy if Christian nationalism spreads).
So, if you are like me and tend to get discouraged by other people’s opinions or worried about how you are perceived–here are some suggestions for how to redirect yourself from condemnation and/or pleasing and back to conviction:
- Not every decision has a clear right and wrong path, and not every decision is inherently good or bad. There are plenty of times when we are faced with a decision that is relatively neutral. Since we can’t predict the future of how any one path will play out, it’s less about making the “right” decision and more about staying aligned with Jesus when you are doing it. When in doubt, you can ask yourself, “Would this make me more or less like Jesus?”
2. Reduce distractions. Saying this for myself as much as for anyone else–when you have a hard decision to make, it’s best to get off social media. While it can be helpful to gather more information from different sources online, it’s not the best way to tune into your gut. Information overload can put us in decision paralysis. If you’ve been practicing your faith and nurturing your intuition, here’s your permission to ignore outside opinions and hone in on your own thoughts and feelings.
Additionally, if you are gathering information that supports your bias–you might end up feeling more irritated and angry that someone else disagrees with you rather than open to their perspective. You might benefit more from doing some self-validation and letting that be enough to support your viewpoint.
3. When you feel like you’ve lost contact with God’s voice, there are three ways that we can reconnect. God speaks through His word, His people, and through prayer. Unfortunately, it has not been my experience that God speaks to us on command. But He does speak. He is a speaking God. If you are trying to find His voice in the chaos, I trust you will find it.
It’s difficult to describe how you know when God is speaking, but for me–God’s voice usually feels authoritative, loving, and it usually makes me cry inexplicably. His timing is usually undeniable, and when I feel seen by God–I feel pretty certain of my next steps.
I also think this is why we have to surround ourselves with people pursuing the same voice. When we are pursuing truth, we won’t always hear what we want to hear but we will recognize it’s what we need.
When in doubt, check it with scripture. God would never lead you to sin, and God would never send you a message that conflicts with scripture.
“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired hand, since he is not the shepherd and doesn’t own the sheep, leaves them and runs away when he sees a wolf coming. The wolf then snatches and scatters them. This happens because he is a hired hand and doesn’t care about the sheep.
I am the good shepherd. I know my own and they know me, just as the Father knows me, and I know the Father. I lay down my life for the sheep. But I have other sheep that are not from this sheep pen; I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. Then there will be one flock, one shepherd. This is why the Father loves me, because I lay down my life so that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down on my own. I have the right to lay it down, and I have the right to take it up again. I have received this command from my Father.
Again, the Jews were divided because of these words. Many of them were saying, “He has a demon and he’s crazy. Why do you listen to him?” Others were saying, “These aren’t the words of someone who is demon-possessed. Can a demon open the eyes of the blind?”…
My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me.”
John 10:11-19; John 10:27
Lastly, here’s a video that demonstrates what this looks like in action.
I don’t normally include such a long passage in these posts, but the more I read the more I loved it. How beautiful and reassuring is this?
However you decide to celebrate this holiday season, I think this passage is a reminder that we are so blessed to have such a loving shepherd. He’s not there wagging His finger at us or waiting to pounce when we mess up; He’s inviting us to greener pastures. It’s also a reminder that Jesus was heavily ridiculed. When people reject you for your beliefs–remember that they rejected Him first.
I will be the first to admit it’s hard to give up some of my comforts and desires in life outside of Jesus, but I can also attest to the beauty that is there when I do.
I hope this post helps you re-center in what you know to be true, and if you are looking for someone to walk with you as you face so many challenging decisions and situations in parenthood–please reach out! I would love to hear from you, and see if we might be a good fit.
A prayer for conviction:
Lord, we thank you for being The Good Shepherd.
We praise you for being our refuge and our hope in a sea of confusion and overwhelm.
We thank you for your patience and your presence,
and we ask that you give us the ears to hear your truths;
Please help us to sharpen each other in our pursuit of you.
Help us to know your voice.
Help us listen and obey, even when it is hard.
And help us to have fun and make friends along the way.
Amen.
P.S. If you’ve been upset by the news of SNAP being unable to distribute benefits on November 1st, you’re not alone. I’m still figuring out how to help, but I just want to send a nod of encouragement to anyone else that is too! I think there are plenty of ways to get involved, and I’m confident that God will use us as long as we are available. Take care.
